I AM BROKEN

Okay, so you may wonder why I haven't posted in a while. Well the main reason is that is is super painful to sit at the computer now. Not emotionally or anything, but PHYSICALLY PAINFUL. Last Friday I was holding my youngest child who is maybe 25 pounds and suddenly screaming pain! I fell to the floor and luckily had my cell phone in my pocket. Called my sister who has recently passed some Kidney stones to ask her what that felt like. Then laid there for about 20 more min hoping the pain might pass. When it didn't and I had thoroughly terrified my kids I decided I had better call my hubby. It takes him about 45 min to get to me from work so I laid there and in between waves of pain I call around to find someone who can watch my kids and send my oldest off to school in a few hours. When he gets home and tries to help me up I was just screaming. We finaly had to roll me to my tummy and then have him pick me up. Once I was standing I could walk a little and I really had to pee so I started toward the bathroom while he was trying to get the kids loaded. I get the the bathroom but couldn't even begin to sit without the pain being so bad I thought I might pass out, so he has to lower me onto the potty. After getting me into the car and heading into town I was okay if I didn't move at all, but even trying to keep my body balanced on turns and when he hit the breaks would bring on a huge wave of pain. Well we got to the Urgent care because frankly the ER is way too expensive and I didn't think I was going to die. (Even though a part of me wished I could.) So sitting in the waiting room I am trying not to scream out or swear when the pain would hit and the receptionist lady noticed that I was sitting there with tears running down my face and some times squeaking because there are moments of pain that no matter how hard you try you just can't be silent. So she has me go get my urine sample to try and speed things up a bit. Again I couldn't stand or sit without Hubby lifting me and there were screams I couldn't keep in. Once the doctor finally saw me they said my urine was clean and they wanted to test me for the flu, but give me a shot of Demerol for the pain. The Demerol didn't seem to help the pain much but it made my legs feel dead and harder to walk. We go across the building to the lab for them to do some blood tests to find that the lady had just walked out for lunch. So we decided to run grab a burger while we had to wait for her. I got an Oreo shake because they always help you feel better and I drank maybe 1/4 of it and took one bite of a burger and I got so sick. I turned white, was soaked in sweet was sure I was going to hurl. Eventually that passed and I decided I had better not eat anymore. So we gimp back inside to get the blood tests done. The lady is on the phone doing some billing crap so we sit outside her office for at least 15 min before I go in. I get help into the chair and she takes my blood. As soon as she finishes and I go to get down the pain hits, I turn white, get soaked in sweet again and tell her I am going to puke. She doesn't have a bowl or anything so she hands me a super full trash can. Then hubby runs across the hall to borrow a puke pail and she grabs a different can that is not so full. I throw up into the empty can before hubby makes it back with the bowl. Then it takes about 5 min to get me out of the chair because I couldn't reach my feet down to the floor because it was so high and I was in so much pain. And dizzy from the pain meds that did not remove the pain. It takes us about an hour to get home and I am going back and forth from being hot to freezing. I eventually make it up to bed after falling asleep for a second in the recliner while hubby picked kids up and mowed the lawn. Stayed flat on my back in bed with my knees propped up on pillows until the next morning. A neighbor who I was suppose to help with a big birthday party on Saturday came by Friday night with dinner and doughnuts for me because I told her what was going on and I couldn't help on Sat. anymore. Saturday was aweful, I felt a little better as long as I took enough loritab, but Hubby was so cranky. The first thing he said to me in the morning was "get up, you can't spend all day on your ass." Then he wondered why I wouldn't let him help me. It took me 20 min to get out of bed and onto my feet so I could go to the bathroom, and a lot of yelping and whimpering. I did as much as I could on my own and rested as much as I could that day. Things slowly got better and now I can do most things, I just have to move very slow and be careful not to lift or bend wrong. So what happened you ask? Apparently I may have herniated a disk. The only way to know for sure is with an MRI and the only reason to do that would be if I were considering surgery. Since I am improving and functional I am doing a round of Cortisone treatment and then I will do some physical therapy and use the pain meds if I need them. Not sure what the therapy will entail until I call the insurance company and make sure they cover it, then see the therapist. I have decided that my body is just stupid. I didn't even do anything dumb or cool to hurt my back. Just a basic lifting of the baby. I wasn't even lifting him, I was setting him down on a chair. SOME PEOPLE!